UDA FROM CHOX?!

The whiplash of second-hand anxiety and embarrassment that my younger self brings me is like a slap in the face any time I remember it.

Uneven gloss glazing a tan loop of dough is sugary-sweet and beckons a memory of a tender kiss I once shared with her. I invited her to my house on a Saturday night, an awkward air coating each word we exchanged in front of the innocent, friendly gaze of my mother. We’d laugh and giggle but keep contact brief as too much felt like it’d spell our demise. I wondered what would happen if the truth came to light, both on that night and years later.

That hardly stopped me from allowing her to sleep over. A formerly innocent act we did as young children, begging our parents to let us stay the night, became more intimate as we laid side-by-side under the warm covers of a full-size mattress. The light on her face illuminated her silhouette and painted the rough edges of a protruding nose and the strawberry “freckles” that signified the threshold of becoming an adult.

I proposed the idea with giggles bubbling out of me, interrupting my words and painting a light flush of rose to my cheeks as I shared it with her. I saw how she tensed, hazel eyes averting though a bashful smile followed by a nod was all I thought it took. I remember the clock reading 10:29 P.M. in a crimson hue as the seconds started to tick past. I sat up and pushed the warm covers aside and meaningless words spilt out of my mouth as I was unsure what to do. The idea hung in the air for both of us to absorb and try to commit to.

The first time I leaned in, I broke off into laughter just inches away from her face and recoiled out of embarrassment. She’d echo my laughter and we’d continue our meaningless discussion. The process goes back and forth for what felt like an eternity of Hell. Confidence would come and I’d inch closer only for it to vanish in a near-instant, that ebbing pride turning into laughter filled with embarrassment. It got to a point where I’d tell myself in my mind to just get it over with, that I’m making a big deal out of nothing.

A quick peck on the lips is all it turned out to be but it was soft, tender even. It gave reassurance to the fact that things were alright, that our sugar-coated secret disguised as an innocent friendship would stay hidden.

I pulled back and laughed, looking at the time and seeing the digits flicker in vermilion as the four changed into a five, displaying the time as 11:45. An exclamation blurted out of my mouth in disbelief that it took so long for just one, small kiss.

Though the dreadful hour of anticipation leading up to a few short seconds of heaven was worth all the hesitation.

To open the mind’s eye and peer forward in time
Is something unheard of

The skill of clairvoyance is an envy to life
For all would want to know their fate
And those that don’t are fearful Of what the mist shrouds

Many claim they can do so
And it’ll recite for decades to come
With a pack of mystical cards or a ball hollowed of glass
In a dimly lit room where whispers of time
Echo off the shadows and back into your mind

But the world’s stroke of luck comes with a price
As no one can predict what she may do
It’s a stroke of luck when the infinite becomes finite
And a prediction falls into place

No one can handle unraveling the mysteries of the current
As there are no mysteries
Only truths turned away and refuted out of spite

Fate is never predetermined
As the construct was forged by man
Infinite possibilities lead to infinite choices
And those very choices dictate where the current will flow

Whether it rushes down winding rivers
Plummets into abyssal waterfalls Pools into gentle lakes
Or meets the ocean’s tides once more